


the long con

by nextyear



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Other, september au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2019-11-26 01:32:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18174083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nextyear/pseuds/nextyear
Summary: “We extend the con. Like, we just keep pretending to date.”“For how long, exactly?”“As long as the con goes,” said Mako. “It could be two days; it could be two years. That’s the nature of the long con.”“Wasn’t the whole point to convince people that we’re not together?”“That’s a short con, Cass,” Mako said. “You need to think long.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i didn’t mean to start another chaptered cassmako fic, per se, but it’s here now and it’s real. 
> 
> as always i am crying abt counter/weight on [twitter](https://twitter.com/trestletables) hmu

“So what are we going to break up over?”

 

“I dunno,” said Mako, tapping his fingers against Cass’s desk. He was sitting cross-legged on their desk chair, his head hanging over the chair’s back to look at Cass upside down.

 

Mako was going to have back problems at twenty-five with posture like that, and Cass fully intended to tell him so, but they were a little distracted by how incredibly unfair it was that Mako still looked good upside down.

 

It was even more unfair that he was still wearing the White Star sweater that he’d stolen from Cass a few weeks ago, the one that Cass had let him keep because it made them embarrassingly happy to see him in it. Mako wearing their clothes did nothing to dispel the rumor that they were secretly dating, but Cass didn’t really mind. They weren’t exactly opposed to that particular rumor, which made it even weirder that they were involved in a convoluted plan to dispel said rumor.

 

The whole thing had been Mako’s idea, of course. “We can let everyone think we’re together, and then we can ‘break up,’” he’d said. “Then no one will think we’re secretly dating. It’s foolproof.”

 

Cass had immediately vetoed the plan, but somehow Mako had managed to get them to concede. It was useless, really, for Cass to try to say no to him. When he pouted his lips and looked at them with those big, blue eyes, Cass lost all common sense.

 

Cass just couldn’t say no to Mako, and it was for precisely that reason that they found themself spending a perfectly good Sunday afternoon in their tiny dorm room, planning a fake breakup with a guy who didn’t like them back.

 

“Maybe we get in a big fight ‘cause you think I like someone else,” Mako suggested.

 

“Like who?” Cass asked.

 

“Jeez, I have to come up with everything,” Mako mumbled. “Okay, his name is Taylor, and he’s super tall, and he’s got, like, really cool purple hair. And he’s an exchange student. From Ziishe.”

 

 _I’m_ _tall_ , thought some traitorous part of Cass’s brain. _Maybe_ _not_ super _tall_ , _but_ -

 

“We don’t have any exchange students from Ziishe,” Cass said, banishing all height-related thoughts from their mind.

 

“He goes to a different school.”

 

“There aren’t any other schools in the city.”

 

“It’s a long-distance thing.”

 

“Sure, fine,” said Cass. “So we’re just going to tell everyone-”

 

“Not yet,” said Mako. “It would seem weird if we just admitted it all of a sudden. We gotta ham it up a little first. It’ll be more real.”

 

“‘Ham it up?’”

 

“Yeah,” said Mako. “Y’know, hold hands and kiss and junk.”

 

The thought of kissing Mako sent Cass’s mind into overdrive. They could imagine it, almost feel it. He’d put his hands on their shoulders, and they’d lean over a little, and then they’d kiss him like it was the end of the world.

 

“That’s okay with you, right?” Mako asked. “Like, kissing and touching and stuff?”

 

Cass nodded, not trusting themself to speak.

 

“What about pet names?” Mako asked. “I could probably come up with some really good ones.”

 

“I’m not sure I want to know what you think good pet names are.”

 

“Well, there’s the classics,” Mako said. “Darling, sweetheart, baby, et cetera.”

 

“I can’t imagine using any of those,” Cass said. “It would sound so cheesy.”

 

“Depends on how you do it,” Mako said. “Like, if I just go-” he paused, leapt up from his chair, and sat down next to Cass on their bed, slinging an arm around their shoulders and continuing, “‘Hey, sweetheart, nice to see you,’ then that’s not too bad, right?”

 

“Uh, right,” Cass said, hoping they weren’t blushing.

 

“But if I say something like, ‘Good afternoon, my sweet little slice of pumpkin pie,’ then- actually, that one’s pretty good. You mind if I use that?”

 

“As long as you don’t mind getting kicked in the shins.”

 

“Okay, okay.” Mako pursed his lips. “What about sweet pea?”

 

Cass made a face. “Too cheesy.”

 

“Starfish?” Mako suggested.

 

“I’m not doing anything fish-related.”

 

“Honeybuns?”

 

“No.”

 

“What’s wrong with it?”

 

“It sounds like you’re talking about my ass.”

 

“So?” Mako said. “We’re dating, remember?”

 

“ _Fake_ dating,” Cass reminded him.

 

“So saying you have sweet buns is off-limits?”

 

“Very off-limits.” Cass bit the inside of their cheek. If they hadn’t been blushing before, they were now.

 

“Okay.” Mako thought for a moment. “What about babe? Is that fine?”

 

“That’s… not too bad.”

 

“Awesome,” said Mako. “I’ve always wanted to, like, roll up and be all like, ‘Hey, babe, how’s it going?’”

 

“‘Roll up?’”

 

“Yeah,” Mako said. “I’m wearing Heelys in this scenario.”

 

“If we were really dating, I would break up with you,” Cass said, like a liar.

 

“C’mon, _babe_ ,” Mako said. “I haven’t even gotten to kiss you yet. Oh, man, we haven’t kissed. Should we practice?”

 

Cass could feel their brain slowly turning into mush. “Um, yeah. We probably should. Just so we don’t mess up or anything.”

 

“Okay, yeah.” Mako turned so they were facing each other. “Should I just, like…”

 

Cass swallowed. “Sure.”

 

“Okay.” Mako leaned forward a little. “Okay, I’m just gonna do it.”

 

And, before Cass could even open their mouth to respond, Mako was kissing them.

 

The kiss was brief, but it was soft and warm, and, best of all, it was Mako.

 

“Was that okay?” Mako asked, biting his lip.

 

“Yeah,” Cass said quietly. “That was okay.”

 

It was the understatement of the century.

 

 

 

“I want a fry.”

 

“Then you should’ve bought fries,” said Cass.

 

“But I just want one fry,” Mako said. He gave Cass his best puppy dog eyes. “Please?”

 

“Fine.” Absently, Cass held out a french fry, which Mako immediately ate.

 

“Thanks, Cass,” Mako said, pressing up against them and leaning his head on their shoulder. “Also, I think I actually wanted two fries.”

 

“You’re such a pain,” Cass said, feeding him another fry.

 

“Are you two for real?” Aria said, raising an eyebrow.

 

“What’re you talking about?” Mako asked.

 

Aria looked pointedly at them. Mako shrugged.

 

Aria sighed. “This whole thing where you pretend you’re not dating. It’s getting old.”

 

“We’re not,” said Cass.

 

Aria rolled her eyes. “Whatever,” she said. “I’m going to go get a smoothie.”

 

As soon as Aria walked away, Mako tilted his head up to face Cass. “We should probably start pretending to be dating now.”

 

Cass swallowed. “Like, right now?”

 

“Yeah. Let’s do it.”

 

“Okay,” said Cass. “What should we do? Should I, uh…” Tentatively, Cass put their arm around him.

 

“Yeah, that’s good,” said Mako. “This is definitely how we’d sit if we were dating.”

 

“Uh, sure.”

 

“Man, I cant wait to see the look on Aria’s face,” Mako said, grinning. “She’ll be like, ‘You guys are totally acting like you’re dating!’ And then we’ll be like, ‘No, what? We’re totally not dating.’ And then she’ll be like, ‘But I think you are, actually,’ and then we’ll be like, ‘Okay, fine, you got us,’ and- Hey, I think she’s about to come over here. Be cool, but also act like we’re dating, okay?”

 

Cass had zoned out halfway through Mako’s imagined dialogue. They’d just been looking at him, his ridiculous gelled-up hair and the faint smattering of freckles across his nose and his smile, the smile that made Cass feel like they could see this planet’s sun through the heavy blanket of storm clouds.

 

“Cass?”

 

“Yeah,” said Cass. “I’m good.”

 

“Good.” Mako found Cass’s hand where it rested near his shoulder and took it in his own. “This is gonna be totally cool and chill.”

 

“Hey, you two,” Aria said as she sat back down in her seat across from Cass and Mako. “They were out of strawberry banana, so I got this weird orange mango thing.”

 

“We’ve shared one of those before,” said Mako. “It’s pretty good. Right, _babe?_ ” He winked very conspicuously.

 

“Yeah,” said Cass. “Great smoothie.” They actually had shared it, with two straws and everything. Cass could not for the life of them remember whether they’d liked it or not, because all they’d been able to think about at the time was Mako.

 

“Yeah, it’s okay. It’s no strawberry banana, but it works,” said Aria. “Hey, do you guys want to go to the aquarium with me and Jacqui on Friday? They’re doing this couple’s discount thing-”

 

“What does that have to do with us?” Mako asked, looking at her innocuously.

 

Aria sighed exaggeratedly. “I assumed that this-” she gestured at them- “was your weird way of finally admitting that you’re together.”

 

“What?” Mako said casually. “Why would you think that?”

 

“You’re holding hands, for one,” Aria said in a tone that clearly meant “I’m tired of your bullshit.” “And you called Cass ‘babe.’ This is where I draw the line, okay? Even if you don’t think so, you’re definitely dating.”

 

“Oh,” said Mako. “Well, uh…” He glanced at Cass for confirmation, and they nodded.

 

“Oh, darn,” said Mako. “Looks like you figured out our secret, which is that we’re dating.”

 

“I’ve known that for, like, two months,” Aria said, looking thoroughly unimpressed. “So do you want to go to the aquarium or not?”

 

“I want to go to the aquarium,” said Mako. “Cass, let’s go to the aquarium.”

 

“You’re just going to spend the whole time pointing at weird fish and saying they look like me,” Cass said.

 

Mako made a pouty face at Cass, and they sighed.

 

“Fine,” they said. “Aquarium. Why not?”

 

 

 

“I’ve always wanted to go on a double date!” Aria said cheerily, watching a school of brightly colored tropical fish dart around their tank. “And now we finally have couple friends!”

 

“Great,” said Jacqui.

 

“Don’t worry, J,” Mako said, pointing finger guns at her. “Cass and I have stuff to do, so we’ll give you guys some alone time.”

 

“What stuff?” Cass asked.

 

"You'll see." Mako grinned and tugged on Cass's arm. Cass sighed good-naturedly and followed him down the hall, leaving Jacqui and Aria to themselves.

 

"Here," Mako announced when they reached the next room. One wall was transparent, revealing the huge tank on the other side.

 

Cass glanced at the tank. "Sharks?"

 

"They're makos," Mako said proudly, sitting down and patting the empty seat next to him on the bench. "Now you can make fun of me too, so we're even."

 

Cass sat down and tried not to look touched. "It doesn't even look like you."

 

"It does! Look." Mako turned toward Cass, opened his eyes wide, and let his mouth hang open. "We're like twins."

 

Cass laughed despite themself. "You're ridiculous."

 

Mako smiled and leaned into Cass. "I happen to know that you like ridiculous."

 

Cass hummed in response, and Mako rested his head on their shoulder.

 

“Hey, Cass?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Mako pointed at a fish near the bottom of the tank. “That fish looks like you.”

 

 

 

“So,” Maxine said, resting her elbows on the table, “I heard you and Mako finally admitted you’re dating.”

 

“What? Who told you that?”

 

“So it’s true.”

 

Cass sighed. “Yeah.”

 

“Well, I’m glad you two corn nuts finally got it together,” said Maxine.

 

“Corn nuts?”

 

“I was really getting sick of you pining after him all the time,” Maxine continued, ignoring Cass’s comment. “No offense.”

 

“Offense taken,” said Cass. “I was not pining after Mako.”

 

“You’re still not going to admit that you like him? You’re literally dating.”

 

“I’m not saying I don’t like him. Just that I didn’t pine after him.”

 

“You totally did, though,” said Maxine. “You were always like-” Maxine put her hand over her chest like a distressed Southern belle- “‘Oh, Maxine, did I tell you how Mako blew his nose today? He’s positively _dreamy._ I wish he would sweep me off my feet and hold me in his tiny noodle arms-‘“

 

“He does not have noodle arms,” Cass interrupted. “His arms are normal-sized.”

 

“And he has normal-sized arms! Oh, I’m swooning.”

 

“I don’t talk like that.”

 

“You do when you’re talking about your boyfriend,” said Maxine. “Hey, are you okay? Why are you making that face?”

 

“I just… _my_ _boyfriend,_ ” Cass said. “I’m still not used to hearing that.”

 

Maxine rolled her eyes. “I almost prefer pining Cass to mushy, love-struck Cass.”

 

“I’m not mushy.”

 

“You’re so mushy,” said Maxine. “You look at him like he hung the moons. I can practically see the hearts in your eyes.”

 

“That’s not true.”

 

“It’s super true,” Maxine said. “You’ve got it bad. Own up to it.”

 

“There’s nothing to own up to,” Cass said. “Mako and I are…”

 

“Did someone say Mako?” Mako asked, sliding into the bench beside Cass. He took their hand in his and gave them a quick peck on the cheek. “Hey, babe. Hi, Maxine.”

 

“Mako,” Cass said, smiling despite themself. “Hi.”

 

“Well, it looks like my daily quota of lovestruck nerds has been filled,” said Maxine. “I’ll see you around, hopefully not at the same time.”

 

Cass and Mako exchanged goodbyes with Maxine. Once she left, Mako turned to Cass.

 

“Hey.” Mako squeezed their hand. “Hope you didn’t miss me too much.”

 

“I saw you a few hours ago.”

 

“That’s a long time if you think about it,” said Mako. “Definitely long enough to miss someone.”

 

“Yeah,” said Cass. “I guess it is.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Seriously?”

 

"I really wanted to go ice skating!"

 

"You can go ice skating any time you want," Cass huffed. “All this double dating stuff is just complicating everything.”

 

Of course, Mako knew that it was already complicated. Very, very complicated. Pretending-to-date-your-crush complicated. Sitting-next-to-your-crush-on-their-bed-and-planning-a-fake-ice-skating-date complicated.

 

“It would look weird if we never went on dates, though,” Mako said. “Real couples go on dates.”

 

Cass just sighed long-sufferingly, looking at Mako like he was the bane of their existence. Though Cass would never admit it, Mako knew it was an affectionate gesture, albeit a masked one.

 

“C’mon, Cass,” said Mako. “Just ten more days of this, and then we can have a very public and very emotional breakup.”

 

“Speaking of that,” said Cass, “how long do you think we have to wait afterwards before we can be friends again?”

 

“Oh, man. I didn’t think of that.” Mako thought for a second. “D’you think a few hours would be enough?”

 

“That’s barely any time at all,” Cass said. “If we’re really going to have a big fight or whatever, we should wait at least a couple days, right?”

 

“Days? Like, plural?” Mako pouted. “That’s way too long.” Mako rested his head on Cass’s shoulder, and they leaned into the touch, putting their arm around his shoulders like it was second nature.

 

“Are you really going to miss me that much?” Cass asked, the hint of a smile on their face.

 

“‘Course I will,” Mako said. “We’ve been dating for somewhere between two months and two years. It can be hard to move on from something like that.”

 

“We should really decide how long we’ve been dating,” said Cass. “It’s honestly a miracle we haven’t given ourselves away yet.”

 

“I vote nine weeks,” said Mako. “It’s a good middle-ish number. Plus, it’s long enough for us to have had a secret love child.”

 

“That’s nine months.”

 

“Oh, yeah,” Mako said. “Okay, so we started dating nine months ago when you finally confessed your undying love for me and asked me to go on a date with you and also be your boyfriend. I said yes, and the rest is history.”

 

“I wouldn’t do that.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” said Mako. “We’re pretending, remember?”

 

“No, I mean I wouldn’t bombard you with all that at once,” Cass said. “Confessing to someone is a big deal. I’d give you time to think about it.”

 

“Yeah, but I didn’t need time,” said Mako. “I knew right away, because we were so super in love.”

 

“If we were so in love, why did we only date for nine weeks?”

 

“Nine months, Cass. Keep up.”

 

“Still,” said Cass, “it seems like we didn’t really think it through.”

 

“Why would we? We were young and reckless and in love.”

 

“You sound like Aria.”

 

“And you sound like a grump.”

 

Cass rolled their eyes. “I just don’t think it’s realistic that I would go into this without a plan.”

 

“You can’t plan love,” Mako said, putting his hands over his heart. “Sometimes it just sneaks up on you. Like a mosquito.”

 

“That’s beautiful,” Cass deadpanned. “You should write it down. You could put it in our wedding vows someday.”

 

“I’m serious, Cass, it’s-” Mako paused, then slowly lifted his head from Cass’s shoulder to look them in the eyes. “Did you say _our_ wedding?”

 

“No!” Cass pulled their arm away. “I meant yours, obviously.”

 

“Cass, do you really think we’re gonna get married someday?” Mako asked, batting his eyelashes.

 

“I misspoke!”

 

“Not that I’m not flattered and all, but it seems a little soon,” Mako continued. “Hey, can the cake be Funfetti? I want it to match my bow tie.”

 

“We’re not getting married,” Cass said. “And even if we were, there’s no way I’m using boxed cake mix. It’s tacky.”

 

“Our wedding should be at least a little tacky,” said Mako. “I want to have a little bit of both of us in it. Like, maybe it’s underwater, but also everyone’s on skateboards.”

 

Cass shook their head. “I can’t believe people think we’re actually dating.”

 

 

 

“This is the worst thing you have ever talked me into,” Cass whispered.

 

“It’s just a chill and lowkey ice skating double date,” Mako said reassuringly. “We’ll be fine.”

 

“You two ready?” Aria asked.

 

"Just gotta finish this one up," Mako replied, struggling with his laces.

 

"You're doing it wrong," Cass said. "Here." They pulled Mako's leg onto their lap and began to re-tie the knot. "You have to loop it around like this, or they'll come undone."

 

"Thanks," Mako said quietly.

 

"Can't have you becoming a walking safety hazard," Cass replied, standing gracefully. "Let's go."

 

Cass walked towards the rink confidently, and Mako struggled to keep up. They checked to make sure Mako was close behind, then stepped out onto the ice.

 

Mako watched, eyes wide, as Cass glided across the rink and looped back towards him. Of course they were good at this. Of _course_.

 

"Come on."

 

Mako cautiously stepped onto the ice, hugging the wall. "I’ve never actually done this before.”

 

"Here." Cass held out their hands. "Trust me."

 

"I have a feeling i'm not going to like this," Mako said, letting go of the ledge to hold Cass’s hands. Even with two pairs of gloves between them, Mako was painfully aware of their hands on his.

 

"Just relax." Cass skated backwards, pulling Mako along. "Push, then glide."

 

"I'm trying," Mako said. He attempted to glide, but tripped and fell forward instead. Cass caught him by the arms and helped him to his feet. They put their hands on his waist in an attempt to steady him, but it just made Mako feel dizzy all over again.

 

"Maybe this would go better if you just kept holding me," Mako suggested.

 

"Don’t be such a baby." Cass rolled their eyes and let go of Mako's waist. "What are you afraid of?"

 

"Spiders," Mako replied almost instantly. "Clowns. Rejection. Falling onto the ice and looking stupid."

 

"It's fine," Cass said. "I'll catch you, okay?"

 

Mako hoped Cass would attribute the redness in his cheeks to the cold. “Okay.”

 

“Good.” Cass took his hands in theirs again and began to skate. “You don’t have to be nervous. I’ve got you.”

 

 _That’s_ _exactly_ _what_ _I’m_ _nervous_ _about_ , Mako wanted to say. _You_ _and_ _your_ _stupid_ , _perfect_ _face_ , _and_ _your_ _stupid_ , _perfect_ _hands_ -

 

Mako realized a second too late that he was falling. Cass apparently realized a second too late as well, because they didn’t catch him this time. Instead, he stumbled forward and crashed right into them, sending them both tumbling down onto the ice. In the most embarrassing turn of events so far that evening, Mako found himself on his hands and knees, practically straddling Cass, who laid flat on their back beneath him.

 

“Sorry,” Mako said, his voice coming out far quieter than he’d intended.

 

Cass stared at him for a second, and he was sure they were upset, and they would never want to hang out with him ever again, and-

 

Cass burst out laughing, their breath releasing cloudy swirls of water vapor into the cold air. Mako laughed, too, because something about the whole ridiculous situation was suddenly hilarious.

 

“Sorry,” Mako said again as his laughter died down.

 

“It’s fine, Mako,” Cass said. They were smiling, like they might cave in and start laughing again at any second.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Cass said. “Maybe a bit of a bruised tailbone, but no permanent damage. How about you?”

 

“I’m good.” Mako’s gloved hands shifted on the ice, but he made no move to get up. Neither did Cass.

 

“This probably looks really weird to other people,” Mako said, prompting another laugh from Cass.

 

“Do you think Aria and Jacqui can see us?”

 

“Definitely,” Mako said, glancing to the side. “They’re just on the other side of the rink. Aria’s totally staring at us.”

 

Cass pursed their lips. “I have an idea.”

 

“What kind of idea?”

 

“The stupid kind.” Cass reached up to smooth out the collar of Mako’s jacket, one he’d borrowed from them and refused to return. Their gaze flickered to his mouth, then back to his eyes.“Can I…?”

 

Mako had a strong suspicion that he knew what they were talking about, and he nodded, mouth too dry to speak. This seemed to be enough for Cass, because they grabbed him by the lapels and kissed him.

 

Everything around Mako—the ice beneath him, the noise surrounding the rink, Aria and Jacqui and everyone else there—seemed to disappear. Mako’s eyes closed, and he let himself fall into the kiss, focusing on the feel of it, the heat and pressure of Cass’s lips against his. It was a lot like the brief “practice” kiss they’d shared the other day, but so, _so_ much better.

 

“Get a room!” Aria shouted from the other side of the rink.

 

Cass pulled away, the barest hint of a smile on their face. Mako was sure he was staring, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Cass was looking right at him, and they were so, so close, and they’d just _kissed_ him. His mind was moving at the speed of light, and the only distinct thought he could pick out was _holy_ _shit_.

 

“Mako?”

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Could you get off me?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they’re at ihop (interplanetary house of pancakes)

"You guys are gross." Aria took a sip of her hot chocolate. "You’re gross, and you’re going to get us banned from everywhere."

 

Cass sunk slightly in their seat. They were sitting next to Mako in one of the stiff, hideously-patterned booths of the local 24-hour diner. Aria was across from them, trying to take up an entire booth by herself.

 

"Maybe you’re gross," Mako said as he scooped the whipped cream off of Cass’s hot chocolate and piled it on top his own. "Maybe you did a PDA at ice skating."

 

"I saw you," said Aria. "Everyone saw you."

 

"You’re just taking it out on us ‘cause Jacqui had to go home. Like, ‘I’m Aria, and if I can’t have a PDA, then no one can.’”

 

"I don’t do PDA," said Aria. "I am polite."

 

"You’ve just gotten into that long-term relationship lull," said Mako. "Cass and I are still in our honeymoon phase." He leaned on Cass’s shoulder, grinning unabashedly. "Right, babe?"

 

"Yeah," Cass said weakly.

 

"Honeymoon phase?" Aria raised an eyebrow. "Haven’t you been dating for, like, a year?"

 

"Nine weeks, actually," Mako said. "We just had our two-month-aversary. I took Cass to the 7-Eleven."

 

"Okay, no," said Cass, sitting up a little straighter. "That was not a date. You made me go with you because you didn’t want to look like you were buying eight bags of Twizzlers for yourself."

 

"I said I’d get you a Slurpee, but you were all, ‘Oh, I’m Cass, and I’m too fancy to drink anything that has ever been inside a convenience store. I only drink salt water, _glug, glug, glug-_ ’"

 

"I don’t sound like that!"

 

"Mmm, salty-"

 

"I just don’t like those Slurpee drinks!"

 

"You’re wrong," said Mako. "Slurpees are good. Back me up on this, Aria."

 

"Slurpees are good," said Aria.

 

"Those machines are full of germs," Cass said. "I don’t want that anywhere near my mouth."

 

"I hate to break it to you, Cass, but you kiss me, and I drink Slurpees all the time," said Mako. "You’ve already been infected."

 

Cass made a face. Mako laughed and turned his head to kiss their cheek, but they leaned the other way.

 

"Oh, now it’s on," said Mako. "Get over here; I’m gonna kiss you right on the mouth."

 

"Stop it, Mako; I’m serious-"

 

"Both of you stop it," Aria said in her serious business voice. "You might actually get us kicked out of here, and I can’t afford to be banned from the only place in the city with half-decent pancakes."

 

Mako settled back into his seat with a huff. "Cass, as soon as we get outside, I’m _so_ gonna kiss you on the mouth."

 

Cass put their face in their hands, hoping Mako didn’t notice that they were blushing. Because, of course, Cass really wanted Mako to kiss them on the mouth.

 

Cass felt Mako’s hand on their back. "You okay there, buddy?"

 

"Yeah," Cass said, cheeks burning. "I’m fine."

 

 

 

"I’m not going to survive the next week," Cass said, sitting on the end of their bed with a forlorn sigh. "I’m going to die, and you’ll have to go to a ridiculously long state funeral. And on my headstone, it’ll say ‘Here lies Cassander Timaeus Berenice, who died of going on too many fake dates.’”

 

"Beloved friend and fish to many," Mako recited solemnly. "Also, they bequeath all of their worldly possessions to their dearest boyfriend, Mako."

 

“I’m not bequeathing anything to you.”

 

“Cass.” Mako leaned on their shoulder, frowning. “I’m your best and favorite fake boyfriend.”

 

“You’re my only fake boyfriend.”

 

“That makes me the best by default,” Mako said. “Really, though, I think I’ve been a great fake boyfriend. I’m super fun, and I took you out on, like, at least four dates-”

 

“Four?” said Cass. “We’ve been on two dates, max.”

 

Mako opened his mouth to speak, but Cass quickly added, “7-Eleven doesn’t count.”

 

“What about when we went to Constellation last Tuesday?”

 

Cass mentally flashed back to said Tuesday, which had definitely not been a date. Sure, it had been nice, and they had held hands across the table (“In case anyone we know walks in,” Mako had said), but it hadn’t been a date. They’d talked about homework. Mako had kicked their boots underneath the table. Everything had been as it usually was. As it was supposed to be.

 

“That wasn’t a date, either,” said Cass. “You can’t just act like every time we hang out is a date.”

 

“We held hands. And I wore real shoes,” Mako said. “How is that not a date?”

 

“Because we’re not dating.”

 

“We’re fake dating.”

 

“That doesn’t mean everything we do is a date.”

 

“Okay, but, like, what even counts as a date?” said Mako. “I mean, we went to a place together, and we had fun—you had fun, right?”

 

Cass saw it in their mind’s eye, Mako sitting across the table with a big, goofy grin on his face. Mako insisting on “trying” Cass’s usual black coffee, even though he always hated it. Mako absently tracing his thumb over the lines of their palm as he recounted some weird dream he’d had the previous night.

 

“Of course.” Cass cleared their throat. “What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“Dates are fun,” Mako said, as if that explained everything.

 

“I guess.”

 

“Oh, come on,” said Mako. “Our dates have been super fun.”

 

(Mako leaning his head on their shoulder and pointing out different kinds of sharks. Mako wearing their jacket, his face flushed from the cold as he struggled to keep himself upright on his ice skates. Mako’s face inches from theirs, right before they kissed him.)

 

“I’m not sure I’d say _super_ fun…”

 

“We met sharks,” Mako said. “And we made Aria yell at us at the ice skating rink.”

 

Mako didn’t mention why Aria had yelled at them at the ice skating rink, and Cass decided they wouldn’t, either.

 

“Is that your idea of fun?”

 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t have fun,” Mako said, pointing an accusing finger at them. “That was funny, and you know it.”

 

Cass wasn’t sure whether he was talking about messing with Aria or about the kiss. They decided to assume the former.

 

“She did make that weird face.”

 

“Exactly!” Mako said. “She was like, ‘you guys are obnoxious dumb idiots,’ and we were like, ‘yeah, we know!’” Mako grinned his goofiest grin, and Cass couldn’t help but smile back.

 

“I guess it’s been kind of fun.”

 

Mako stood up suddenly. “That reminds me! I have a proposal.”

 

Cass’s heart skipped a beat. “A proposal?”

 

“Yeah,” said Mako. “Like, a con-related proposal.”

 

“Oh,” said Cass. “What is it?”

 

“Okay, hear me out,” Mako said, gesturing dramatically as he spoke. “We extend the con. Like, we just keep pretending to date.”

 

 _That is a terrible idea,_ Cass thought. _I’m not doing that._

 

“For how long, exactly?” they asked.

 

“As long as the con goes,” said Mako. “It could be two days; it could be two years. That’s the nature of the long con.”

 

“Wasn’t the whole point to convince people that we’re not together?”

 

“That’s a short con, Cass,” Mako said. “You need to think long.”

 

“But… why?”

 

“The real question is why not,” said Mako. “You said it yourself; this is fun. And breaking up is going to be, like, not fun. So why not put it off for a while, right?”

 

The weird thing was that this made perfect sense. Cass had been having fun, too, and they were dreading staging a breakup at least as much as Mako was. There was no reason why they couldn’t keep acting like they were together.

 

Except, of course, for the fact that Cass wasn’t acting.

 

“We’ve already done what we set out to do,” said Cass. “We can’t keep going for no reason.”

 

“It’s not for no reason. It’s fun.”

 

 _That’s the problem,_ Cass wanted to say. _You’re doing this because it’s fun. It’s some bizarre practical joke to you._

 

“But we’re not doing this for fun,” they said. “We’re doing it to get people off our backs. And we did that, so we’re done now.”

 

Mako shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He looked almost disappointed for a moment before perking up. “So, about the breakup. Do you think you could make yourself cry on command?”


	4. Chapter 4

 “Look, Mako, I really care about you,” Cass said, not quite meeting his eyes. “But I can’t do this anymore.”

 

Mako made a face. “I don’t think you looked wistful enough,” he said. “Could you try, like, shedding a single tear?”

 

Cass sat down on their bed with a heavy sigh. “Can’t we just break up in private, like normal people?”

 

“Um, no,” said Mako, sitting down right next to them. “We have to sell it. It has to be very public and very convincing.”

 

Cass sighed again.

 

“Okay, let’s run through it again.”

 

“Mako.” Cass looked at him with their worried face, the one that made their eyebrows scrunch together like they were trying to fuse into one long eyebrow. “Is all this really necessary?”

 

“It’s super necessary,” said Mako. “This is, like, the crux of the plan. We need to keep practicing until we’re completely sure it’s totally perfect.”

 

Cass pursed their lips. “I thought we agreed we should get this over with.”

 

“This won’t even take very long,” said Mako. “Besides, aren’t you always telling me to plan ahead?”

 

“Oh, so now you listen to me.”

 

Mako shrugged. “I guess you’re rubbing off on me.” He leaned his head on Cass’s shoulder, like he had a thousand times before, except it wasn’t like that at all.

 

Mako sat up straight again. “Why’re you all stiff and weird?”

 

“I’m not stiff and weird,” Cass said, crossing their arms. “You just startled me, that’s all.”

 

Mako poked their arm, and they jerked it away. “You okay, babe?” he asked, shooting them a concerned look.

 

Cass’s eyes widened, and Mako suddenly realized his mistake.

 

“Oops,” Mako said. “Force of habit. You know how it is. Am I right… buddy?”

 

Cass rubbed a hand over their face. “See, this exactly why we need to break up as soon as possible. It’s making things weird.”

 

“I don’t think it’s weird,” said Mako. “I think it’s totally fine and not weird at all. In fact, it’s so not weird that we should probably just not break up yet.”

 

“Why are you trying to put this off?” asked Cass. “The sooner we do it, the sooner things go back to normal.”

 

Normal.

 

Mako thought of sitting on Cass’s bed for hours and falling asleep with his head on their shoulder. He thought of stealing Cass’s sweater and Cass pretending not to notice. He thought of Cass feeding him french fries in the caf, and Cass not seeming to mind so much when he put a second straw in their drink and declared that they were sharing it.

 

“What’s normal for us?” Mako asked.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Look, there has to be a reason why this whole thing started in the first place, right?” he said. “I mean, no one thinks I’m dating any of my other friends.”

 

“Because you aren’t pretending to date any of your other friends.”

 

“No, before that,” he said impatiently. “We were just acting the way we always do, and literally everyone we know thought we were together.”

 

Cass started to make their worried face again.

 

“Even Aria thinks we’re dating,” Mako continued. “And she’s our only other best friend who does dating.”

 

“Why does it matter that Aria thinks we’re dating?” Cass said. “Aria doesn’t decide whether we’re dating. _We_ decide whether we’re dating.”

 

“Okay, but, like consider this,” said Mako. “Aria’s usually right about all this dating business, right?”

 

Cass gave him the _look,_ the one that said, “Mako, you are the most clueless person I have ever met in my entire life.” “Are you saying that Aria should get to decide whether we’re dating?”

 

“Well, are _you_ gonna do it?”

 

“I already did,” Cass said, frowning. “I decided that we’re not dating.”

 

“Okay, that’s fair,” said Mako. “But, on the other hand, what if we were dating? Y’know?”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m just wondering if, uh. You know.”

 

Cass gave him the look again. “No, I don’t know.”

 

 _Well,_ thought Mako, _this is it._

 

“If… you wanna date me.”

 

Cass turned away, looking down at the floor. “That’s not funny.”

 

“What?”

 

“I said it’s not funny.”

 

“What’s not funny?”

 

Cass looked at him like he’d somehow reached a truly impossible level of cluelessness. “You. Making fun of me. It isn’t funny.”

 

“Cass.” He put his hand on their shoulder. “What’re you talking about?”

 

Cass’s expression quickly changed from irritated to defeated. “You’re not even doing it on purpose, are you?” Cass sighed heavily. “ _Eidolons,_  Mako. What am I supposed to do with you?”

 

“Um, okay,” said Mako, putting his hand back in his jacket pocket. “You could’ve just said you didn’t want to be dating me.”

 

Cass pinched the bridge of their nose. “That’s… that’s not what I meant.”

 

“So you wanna be dating.”

 

“I didn’t say that.”

 

“Look, I don’t want to be, like, pressuring you or anything, but this is kind of a yes or no question.”

 

Cass just looked at him.

 

“All I’m saying is that I really put myself out there with this whole dating business, and now I really need to know whether we should be dating or not. Like, from this point forward.”

 

“You’re not… serious about this, are you?”

 

“About wanting us to be dating? Why wouldn’t I be?”

 

“You… want us to be dating?”

 

“Yeah,” said Mako. “I like you.”

 

Cass looked kind of broken for a second, like maybe they needed to be turned off and back on again.

 

“…Thanks,” Cass said finally.

 

“No prob,” said Mako. “So… is that a yes, or…?”

 

For a few moments, Cass looked like they were booting up.

 

“Yes,” Cass said finally. “Wait, no. I mean- not _no,_ just…” They took a deep breath. “I really don’t want this to happen like… this.”

 

Mako looked at them expectantly.

 

Cass sighed. “This is the worst way possible for me to tell you I like you.”

 

Mako grinned. “You like me? Like, for real?”

 

“Yeah.” Cass looked at their lap, then back at Mako. “I’ve liked you for years.”

 

“Well, I’ve liked you ever since I almost brained you with a frisbee during orientation.”

 

Cass’s mouth fell open in shock. “That was you?”

 

Mako nodded sheepishly. “I was trying to land it near you, so I’d have an excuse to go talk to you-”

 

Cass smiled. “And you nearly gave me a concussion.”

 

“I wasn’t thinking clearly!” Mako insisted. “It was your fault for standing there and being all pretty like that.”

 

“I- what?”

 

Mako rolled his eyes. “There you go, doing it again.”

 

Cass looked away. “Stop that,” they said, pressing their lips together like they were trying not to smile.

 

“Stop what? Saying you’re pretty?” Mako shook his head. “Can’t do it. The truth demands to be told.”

 

“Well, I think your freckles are cute,” Cass challenged. “And I like your dumb hair.”

 

“I think you’re really fun and cool and great,” Mako shot back.

 

“Well, I think you’re the most incredible, wonderful, _ridiculous_ person in the universe.”

 

“Agh! No! I’ve been defeated!” Mako collapsed dramatically onto Cass’s shoulder. “You found my weakness: people telling me how ridiculous I am.”

 

Cass laughed. Mako leaned in closer, and they put an arm around him. It felt almost absurdly easy, like it was second nature.

 

Mako tilted his head to look at Cass. They were smiling. He smiled back.

 

“Cass?”

 

“Mako?”

 

“Remember that one time when we practiced kissing?” Mako asked in his most serious voice.

 

Cass nodded, looking slightly flustered.

 

“I think we need more practice.”

 

Cass looked at him for a second, then burst out laughing. “That’s your big move?”

 

“I thought it was pretty good!”

 

“It was awful,” said Cass. “It was so bad that I don’t even want to kiss you anymore.”

 

“That was mean,” said Mako. “Now I’m really sad.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Cass!” Mako made a pouty face at them. “Cass, I’m really sad. And it’s your fault.”

 

“Is it?”

 

“Yeah,” said Mako. “So it’s kind of your responsibility to help me not be sad anymore. And I think I would probably be a lot less sad if you kissed me. So you kind of have to kiss me, legally.”

 

Cass sighed. “Well, if I _have_ to…”

 

“Legally,” Mako added.

 

“I wouldn’t want to get in any legal trouble,” Cass said, and they smiled, and they kissed him.

 

Mako was expecting it to be different, now that it was real, but it felt just like their first kiss had, soft and tentative. It felt like the time they’d kissed in the ice rink, too, sudden and overwhelming and really, _really_ good.

 

(Mako was starting to wonder if maybe they’d all been real, if maybe nothing had really changed at all.)

 

The feeling afterward was different, though. There was no ache in his chest, no little voice in his head reminding him that it didn’t mean anything. Instead, he felt light, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

 

And, of course, there was Cass. They were smiling their real smile, the one they never did in photos, and Mako was more than a bit proud to have caused it.

 

 _Look at that!_  Mako wanted to tell the world. _I did that! They’re smiling like that because of me!_

 

“What are you staring at?” Cass asked.

 

“I was just thinking that you should probably kiss me again. Just in case.”

 

“Better safe than sorry,” Cass agreed, and they kissed him.

 

“Hey, I just realized,” Mako said after they pulled apart. “This means the con is over.”

 

“Finally.” Cass was still smiling _like that,_ and it made Mako’s stomach feel fluttery.  

 

“Well, you know what they say,” Mako said solemnly. “Love is the longest con of all.”

 

Cass looked like they wanted to roll their eyes at him, or maybe kiss him again. They did both. 

 

(Mako didn't know exactly what counted as a real con, but he was pretty sure he’d just pulled off the best one of all time.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that’s what happened and it was really good and none of it was fake memories implanted in their brains!
> 
> come talk to me about the heights and birthdays of various f@tt characters on twitter (@trestletables), or just say cassmako three times in front of a mirror and i’ll appear in the reflection and start talking about which member of the chime is most likely to own crocs (it’s either cass or mako and i can’t decide which). also remember to drink lots of water ily bye


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